Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
