I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
