We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
