Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
