You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
