I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
