now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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