Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
