I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
