ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
