he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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