OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
