so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
