Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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