Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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