Please, let me fuck your mom
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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