Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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