After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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