I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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