So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
