i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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