You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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