Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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