Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
