They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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