Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
that may or may not have been my penis.
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