hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sponge bath it is.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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