i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize