No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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