i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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