and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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