they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
