yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
