His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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