its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
