I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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