i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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