I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
