Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
