what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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