I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
