1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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