the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
