I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
