How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My penis needs a shock collar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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