Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
