I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
