hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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