Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
