bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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