my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize