i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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