Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's like iHOP with fire
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize