MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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