Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
