Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
