Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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