I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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