Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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