Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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