Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
