1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
