i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
