I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
