Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
