and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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