Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
