Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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