eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
