Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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