I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
