So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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