You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
