You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think my mom watched the whole time
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
