I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
