About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
