why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
