I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize