She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
