and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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