I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk is not a location!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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