sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
