in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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