I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
