i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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