So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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