not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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