Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think people are normalizing furries
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
