She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
