Moan for me like Helen Keller
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
